Big props to my friend and fellow social artist Hammer, who turned me on to GoneSavage, a great blog on sex, dating, and pickup. It’s super edgy and the writing is easy to read and concise. In a nutshell, the guy traveled around the country in a van for a couple of years (homeless), had adventures, and picked up woman. He teaches now and is in fact speaking at the 21 Convention in Orlando this very weekend. I’ve been going back and reading some of his older posts and lay reports at Loveawake dating site blog, something I never do on any blog. His take is super masculine and he focuses more on sex and masculinity versus the technical points of pickup. I find his style attractive and I want to recommend his blog to anyone remotely interested in this stuff.
He has a post nicknamed “Two Paths” that hit my head like a fucking sledgehammer. I read it at work and basically had to sit back in my chair and wait for my brain to quit exploding and re-assemble itself. I was IM’ing with Hammer at the time and I told him that the post was causing me to re-evaluate my friends in terms of their sexuality. Complete paradigm shift. Take 4 minutes, read Two Paths, and then come back here if you want…
Pick One of Two Paths
I’m going to quote a big block of the post here:
Consider that there are only two options. Only two paths you can pursue.
I’m going to go ahead and say it because this is key… there is no room for ambiguity, indecision, or inaction here. You have to fully dedicate yourself to one of these two paths. That’s it. Don’t come to me if you are undecided or you think you want a bit of both. That’s not how it works.
Chose one path now. Here are your choices:
1) I am looking for “the one.” I am not playing the field looking for someone with mere relationship “potential.” I am looking for my mate, my life partner, my holy relationship. I am ready for commitment, cohabitation, and creational sex.
2) I am looking for novelty, variety, and sexual experience. I’m looking for mutually satisfying casual sex. I am looking to hone my technique as a lover, and have short-term commitment-free encounters.
It’s a clear and simple distinction between those two paths but I think it’s something we don’t think about and hardly ever decide on. What most people do is either say they are looking for the One, but allow themselves to gravitate towards #2 when needed or convenient and thus lose their way. Or, people say they want #2 but don’t have the balls to go hardcore and thus settle on a false partner for the sake of convenience. In both cases, there is a lot of dishonesty and fluidity going on. I lived right square in the middle between the two for many years and the result was years worth of mediocre relationships. Yes, I derived a lot of value and good experience from those relationships, but I also often lied about my intentions, lied to myself, fucked around, allowed my identity to be fluid and myself to be pressured, and otherwise didn’t sack up and own it.
It’s true, I have remained in a relationship for a year or more simply for the convenient sex even though I knew for a long while that we weren’t right for each other. I have done this more than once, well past the expiration date.
So I want to say right now, I am on the First Path and I’m looking for the One. Henceforth, I will clearly make my intentions known to my potential mates and I’ll be totally hardcore about what I want and own it. I will not get into or stay in a mediocre relationship simply for the sake of convenience.
Pick a path and take it to the max. It’s the only way to live.